Office Buzzword Douche Bag

Does your office smell like a douche?

If you are part of corporate America, I can really only tell you this: Work hard, be the best you can be, and don't ever compromise your integrity to get ahead.

Additionally, don't be an Office Buzzword Douchebag. Yeah, you know the guy (or gal) that likes to use unnecessarily long or annoying words and is routinely heard dropping random cliched phrases that make me want to throw up in my mouth.

Example 1: "We don't have the bandwidth, so in order to facilitate the current action plan, we should table this for later, circle back, and talk offline. Let's be proactive and reach out to our partners so we can ramp up this pilot in the appropriate time frame to add value on a go-forward basis with the appropriate drivers."

Translation: "I'm a douche."

Example 2: "No need to reinvent the wheel, we are behind the eight ball, so let's call a spade a spade, deep dive, and get our ducks in a row to touch base with the gameplan by end of business today to be on the same page."

Translation: "I'm a huge douche."

The only entertainment I can derive from these douchebags, and it is mild at best, is to sit in a meeting for an hour with more than one of them. I like to think of it as a bunch of tools douching it out. Except the irony is that the winner is actually the biggest loser.

We are all adults here. Put on your big boy pants, read a book, and learn to say what you really mean.

You don't want your breath smelling like douche do you?