Chick Flicks - The True Story

Girls. I was wrong. Please disregard any previous advice I might have given you on finding true love. Fact is, it has nothing to do with being a good person, being true to yourself, or even setting standards, as I previously believed. Based on the movies that you love, laugh and cry in (and watch incessantly) -- I think Hollywood has it figured out. It just might not be what you originally thought. Let's have a little look-see:

Dirty Dancing

To find true love, hit the clubs and dance as dirty as possible. The "Dirty Dancing" of 1963 is equivalent to something you'd see today in a Flo Rida video. So if you want to find a good man, go 'head shawty, get low low low low low...
To find true love, engaging in statutory rape is permissible. "Baby" Houseman really WAS a baby, a 17 year old one. We don't really know how old Johnny Castle was supposed to be, but he looked about 40.



The Notebook

To find true love, it's ok to cheat on your current fiancee -- under the following conditions:

- You're cheating with someone in the Armed Forces. It shows support for our troops.

- You do it in a boat with a million doves flying around

- You later forget about it and need to be reminded daily in story form until you die



Grease

To find true love, and tame a bad boy, simply become a bad girl yourself. Skin tight black pants? Check. Off the shoulder shirt? Check. Cigarette? Check. That outta woo 'em. Poison your body, dress like a whore, and you just might find yourself arm in arm with the man of your dreams being carried off into the sunset to "You're the One That I Want."



Pretty Woman

To find true love, try being a hooker. Forget being a teacher, or a doctor, just slap on a wig, sell your body, and you, too, just might "Gere" up and find that rich, sophisticated man of your dreams.



Titanic

To find true love, take naked pics of yourself and distribute them accordingly. Or, if there's no camera readily available, draw one. Remember kids, "sexting" lasts forever. Or in the case of Rose Calvert, one nude picture can somehow last underwater for like 70 years until it is later found by a bunch of dirty sailors.



Sex and the City

To find true love, it doesn't matter if you're horse faced, a closet lesbian, a faux goody goody, or just an old whore. As long as you wear shoes that cost as much as a used car, and come up with the occasional quip, you can whore it up all you want, and still find the man of your dreams.



Well, there you have it. Let's get our little ones watching these gems ASAP.