Haircuts That Deserve a Punch in the Face

Part He-Man, part "I couldn't afford a haircut," and all DOUCHE. I think somebody needs to open the curtains and look me in the eye. You're a grown man, not the kid from Gimme a Break. Get a haircut.









The Blowout. This gem is normally accompanied by huge aviator glasses, a white suit, and a job in the food service industry. This classy cut looks like Dragon Ball Z got a perm.

Hey Edward Scissorhands, life isn't all that bad. It probably takes more effort to gel up 1/3 of this doo every morning than it does to be pissed off about life. Go ahead and cry Emo Kid, you got the same haircut as Kate Gosselin.

Top 3 Things That Pissed Me Off Today About Ghetto People

1. Don't bring your bad ass kids to the gym. Lady, I know you're pushing about a deuce (deuce and a half) but doing 3 arm curls with 1 lb. weights while your 2 kids are playing soccer with the pilates ball isn't going to get you down to that size 24 you envy. Yes, I realize that if you just got your waist a tiny bit smaller than your hips, you could have that ba-donk-a-donk butt that attracts all the world class gentlemen you crave.

2. If your car is idling, it is NOT necessary to open up all the doors, the trunk, and potentially the hood and blast music that only a criminal would like. It's a red light, not Hot Import Nights. I'm not sure when the last time the Hess station, the Taco Bell, or even my apartment parking lot hosted a car show. So quit treating it like one.

3. Can you laugh normally? Just every once in awhile. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a boisterous laugh from time to time, but do you really have to violently shake like you're having an epileptic seizure? Are you a pop corn kernel that just popped and is stuck in the bag? Settle it down. Besides, I don't think it's natural for a laugh to sound like static electricity.

That is all.